Carl may not be ready to leave leave

I absolutely adore the kids in the first grade class that I help out with at Eros. They are all so well behaved and some of the most precious kids you will ever meet. Yesterday we went on a field trip to the beach for marine day and they were all great. The physically able kids helped push the wheelchairs of the disabled kids, and the kids in wheelchairs helped feed the kids that couldn’t feed themselves. Back in the classroom, it is so cute when they show you their class work that they successfully completed or when they yell “Carl, Carl, Look at this!” showing me the pictures that they rudimentarily colored.

Carl and Avery with children from Eros School on field trip to the beach.

Today, Brigh, one of the first graders asked me when I would be leaving and I gave him the typical answer, “The end of April, the 27th”. Then he asked me when I would be coming back. To that I had no idea how to answer it at first. I had no idea when I would be coming back, if ever. I know I want to come back to Cape Town, but if I do I don’t know if I would be going back to Eros. If I did go back to Eros I don’t know if it would be worth it. I probably wont be back for several years, if I do come, and by then these first graders will be much older and will no longer be the innocent children that they are now. I don’t think I would want to risk seeing them when they are older and risk ruining the image of them that I will leave here with. I am afraid they would turn out like the other older kids that are there now starting to prepare for Metric (an exam that could be compared to our SATs); a good amount of them are very misbehaved, yesterday I had to break up a fight that started right in front of me. 

In the end I was forced to either lie to him and tell him that I would be back soon, or tell him the truth and crush his hopes. I ended up choosing something in the middle and told him that I am not sure when I will be back, but hopefully soon. 

This was the point that I realized that I really don’t want to leave Cape Town. There is so  much to do and see here and I know I wont have time to do it all. Then there is so much to learn. I have had so many great realizations while traveling alone on the minibus taxis, and that experience I wont be able to find anywhere else.