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| The group on their final hike to the top of Lion's Head |
Sitting on the plane in London, about to leave for
New York, I feel exhausted and almost numb.
I started tearing up a little at our final house meeting in Loch, and a
bit before we left the Cape Town airport.
It was really hard saying goodbye to Marita, Vernon, Ben, and Erin, and
also to the few of us who were staying on in Cape Town. It was also hard to say goodbye to my
beautiful city through the window as our plane crept higher in the night
sky. But I really felt the pain of
leaving at our connector stop in Heathrow, where we said goodbye to a good
third of us who were travelling in Europe.
I felt very overwhelmed (and I hate crying, especially in public!!)— even
though we had left Cape Town behind, it still felt like “Cape Town” while we
were mostly together. Now that about
half of us were separated, it started to become a reality that our adventure
had ended. At the same time though, I
feel so thankful to have befriended such amazing, cry-worthy people.
Outside of our group, I miss so much about Cape Town
already: minibuses, Khayelitsha, Fat Cactus, Mowbray, Rondebosch, Malleson,
UCT, Woolworth’s, TAC, Xhosa, samosas, Kirstenbosch, Muizenburg, Joburg, curiosity,
spontaneity, diversity, vibrancy. I need
to work on bringing these things home with me, because I know they are still in
my heart. I am so sad to be leaving the places
and people I have fell in love with, but I know I will be back. And the best feeling is that it will feel
like “Cape Town” again— my UConn Cape Town community will be back on campus with me in the fall.
As I wrote in one of my first journal pages after
arriving in South Africa: “I’m on an adventure, and what is an adventure
without facing a little bit of struggle.”
I’m struggling to accept that the end of our “scheduled” adventure is
over, but I am opening myself to be able to continue all that we have created
with a new adventure at home. It is with
a renewed sense of growth, and increased compassion, confidence, and
determination that I hope to re-enter my US world with. I hope to stay committed to all that I have
learned about activism, privilege, and non-violence by channeling my feelings
into positive places. I have so much
hope for the future, so much love for the people whom I have met, and so much
potential to do good.
Over the time I’ve been writing this, I have
experienced a shift in my emotions; out of my initial sadness has come the
realization of all these wonderful, beautiful feelings— from nothing,
something. I am realizing that “I Am” an
agent of change, and that spreading this message is the best way to constantly
keep South Africa, my friends, and my experiences in my heart.
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