JR reflecting on all he has learned and who he has become

I should start by saying how very lucky I am to have been on this trip.  This past three months have brought me a new way of seeing the world, an endless amount of new memories, and 30 new people I am blessed to call my friends.  After this trip, I will truly never be the same and Cape Town will always hold a special place in my heart because of that.

            

One thing I learned about myself  on this trip is that I don’t give myself enough credit most of the time.  At my final one-on-one with Marita, she mentioned that people say they acquired more confidence over the semester, which I was unsure if that applied to me.  But after some reflection, I think that this is definitely the case.  I have always been my own harshest critic as many people are of themselves, and my sense of humor is one of self-deprecation (I figure if you make fun of yourself the most, who can really make hurt you? Also to a lesser degree, making fun of myself avoids me making fun of and potentially hurting others, I figure I can take it).  But being around such a positive group of people, who really love you for who you are, I think it’s a much better way of handling the problem; kill them with kindness, if you will.  My fellow co-educator Audrey and I were discussing the other day that by the end of the semester, we weren’t worried about our insecurities (for her, her weight; for me my height.  I used to constantly feel the need to literally “size myself up” against other men) because we knew we could come home to 20 people who couldn’t have cared less how we looked.  It was beautiful, and very liberating.

Audrey & JR: beautiful and liberated!

Another great change I’ve noticed that is that I am constantly critically thinking.  I see the world in this totally new perspective, and I have opened my eyes to so many things that I had never noticed before.  This long dormant critical thinking skill now awakened now makes me enjoy things like literature more, being able to delve deeper into works than I could previously.  I feel like a more contributing member to society, constantly wanting to educate myself on all issues, and it excites me that I actively want to do these things now. 

            

This class was an amazing experience for me, one that has certainly changed the way I think and left me with many questions as to my future going forward.  But I have a nervous excitement to this upcoming future, I feel more secure that I will eventually find my calling, and I feel excited to know that my co-educators will be with me at each step.  I feel like a changed person leaving Cape Town, and I really appreciate that.  

Ainsley, Audrey, & JR travel on . . .

Following their time in Cape Town, Audrey, JR and Ainsley went to Europe on their way home.  Ainsley sent the following email that tells a bit about how their Cape Town experiences continued to influence their choices:

Audrey, JR and I made it through London and now to Geneva safely but wanted to let you know that we're still using our Cape Town knowledge here. While walking around London on Sunday we found a rally to commemorate the ten year anniversary of the civil war in Sudan and the Darfur crisis. Also, nothing made us quite miss Cape Town as much as seeing an advertisement for a Shakespeare play from a South African troop done completely in isiXhosa, Afrikaans and about 4 other South African languages.

JR on this great, big, vast world

This past weekend we took a group trip, almost a last hurrah, out to Plettenburg Bay for a weekend of different activities.  Bungee jumping was one of the most serene experiences I’ve ever felt.  I had absolutely no fear when I stepped to that ledge and leapt off, I felt like I was in good hands the entire time.  I don’t know if it was this trip that changed me, or if I was just feeling particularly brave that day, but it felt a little strange to not have any reservations about the jump.  This was, after all, the world’s highest commercial bungee jump, and it was daunting to look down below from the bridge to the jump spot.  But it was amazing nonetheless and I am so grateful that I completed it; it’s something I’m sure I’ll remember for a long time.

The other thing that really stuck out about the trip, and this may seem cheesy, was when we visited the caves and were able to do a little spelunking.  The first thing we came upon was this gigantic cavern inside.  It must have been at least 20 feet high and stretched out about 200 yards until the next giant area.  The guide told us the first person to make his way into the cave had this little oil lamp, a replica of which was off in the corner of the cave.  The guide turned off all of the lights to show what it would have been like for the farmer that first time and it was pitch black, save for that tiny oil lamp.  It struck me as amazing that the first person in that cave would have been completely unaware how vast and beautiful the cave was, and for whatever reason, it reminded me of this quote from the TV show Louie.  The show surrounds a comedian as he goes about his life, but there was one scene where he’s driving and his daughter is in the back complaining about how bored she is, and is growing frustrated that her father is ignoring her, she eventually asks, “Why aren’t you listening to me?” and he replies, “’I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say.  You live in a great, big, vast, world that you’ve seen none percent of.  Even the inside of your own mind is endless. It goes on forever inwardly. Do you understand? Being the fact that you’re alive is amazing, you don’t get to be bored.” Somehow, this oil lamp and this quote connected me to this idea that I feel that I have experienced “none percent” of this big, beautiful universe, and my experiences to date are similar to that of the farmer entering the cave for the first time with his tiny oil lamp.  But if I continue to keep learning and experiencing, then hopefully one day, I’ll be able to see a little more of the cave than I did before, and it gave me comfort knowing that someday together we can turn on the lights and explore this massive cave that we call home.

Erica, JR, Patrick & Allie at the caves

JR too many favorite moments to choose one

As we wind down our time in Cape Town, I think that we as a group have been reflecting more and more on our time here.  The other day one of my co-educators asked me to name my favorite moment of the trip so far. I thought about it, and off the top of my head could not come up with a single moment.  I thought about it more as we took a minibus taxi ride into the city, it happened to be quite the entertaining minibus ride, too, one of my better ones since arriving here.  And I realized after hopping off why I struggled with the question; that I’ve enjoyed almost everything about this city, even the little nuances like a minibus taxi ride are things that are so awesome and unlike any experience available in the states.  To come up with a single moment that is my favorite so far would be extremely difficult, and it becomes even more difficult when I add up all the little moments that I’ve experienced in this city as well.  

JR enjoyed excursion but happy to be back in Cape Town

This past week we spent in Johannesburg and in Kruger National Park, a weeklong excursion out of the normal routine we’ve fallen into.  A lot of our time in Jo'burg was spent visiting museum dealing with South Africa’s violent history.  It was sobering to see the examples of these atrocities that we had only read about.  The apartheid museum stuck out to me the most, with the wall of propaganda posters and other artifacts from that era.  What was particularly disturbing was the videos of the violence in between 1990 and 1996, a time that I thought was primarily peaceful, with Mandela having been released from prison.  It was shocking to see the violence and rioting after that time, as well as the increase in AWB movement during that time period.  This trip gave me a new perspective, knowing more about apartheid now than I did during our orientation, it was nice to be able to apply the history in places like Soweto and Sharpeville, places I have been reading about for the last two months. 

The entire trip, as much as I enjoyed the history, and especially the safari, made me realize how much I appreciate Cape Town.  Throughout the week I really felt homesick for a place that was not my home, but I’m realizing has become one over the last two months.  I had a discussion the other day with someone talking about whether we can say we “lived” in Cape Town, or merely “studied” there, and I don’t think I could feel the way I did hopping off the plane in Cape Town and knowing that we would be heading back “home” if I was merely “studying” here.  I’ve been very grateful for the opportunities given to me here but I think it took a week away to fully appreciate what I have here in Cape Town.

JR celebrating his birthday in a different way

I was lucky enough to get to celebrate my birthday here in Cape Town.   Historically, I’m not a big fan of my birthday in particular, but it was hard not to get swept up in the enthusiasm of others about it.  That day was one of the first that I really had a craving for home again.  My mother wrote on my Facebook that it would be weird to not be celebrating my birthday this year, me being in college in state they can usually at least make the trek up to Storrs to go out to dinner.  I was also turning 21, which in the United States for some, is a cause worthy of throwing a parade.  To be here for it certainly muted the celebration, but that was a bit of a blessing in disguise, as less is always more when it comes to turning 21.  I appreciated the sense of home my co-educators gave me on that day, a day when I could have been really missing the comforts of home, my friends here made me feel like I had never left, being their warm selves and going out to dinner.  Birthdays are usually days for reflection, and my birthday here in Cape Town made me appreciate the best of what I have both here and at home.