Savtri on prioritizing and balancing

I saw a play a couple years ago called August: Osage County. It sticks with me because of a particular theme of the story: everyone in the family is struggling with their own intra and interpersonal problems, which culminates in a collective abandonment of the impossible grandmother. The only person who takes care of her, without judgment and without exasperation, is the maid who is not a part of the family. So, what does it take for us to be nice to each other? Some sort of separation or belief that this too shall pass?

I had an awesome time with my host mother, Aunt Shireen, when Melissa and I did a homestay with her in Ocean View, a township near Fish Hoek. We talked a lot, met some of her friends and learned about their perspectives on the ANC and apartheid, and shared delicious rooti and curry. I met with Shireen again on Saturday and got to talk about some of her perspectives on religion. We both turned out to agree that everyone is good and bad; there is that potential in everyone. I love the Native American analogy of a Chief telling his grandson about the epic centuries-long battle of two wolves – one good and one bad. When the boy asks the Chief which one wins, he responds, “The one you feed.”

However, I occasionally felt this sadness at not being able to spend more time with my Mom and Dad and Brother. I have spent so much time and energy getting to know strangers here in Cape Town that I wonder where my patience and open-mindedness goes when I try to talk with my family and friends back home. Am I so used to them that I am doomed to always take their virtues for granted? I want so badly to be able to communicate with the people I love in a way that I am able to communicate with the people that I meet here. But maybe this open, energetic communication is also the result of relative unknowingness – I do not yet know the faults of these people, I see glimpses of them but at least my relationship with them is not so deep-rooted that I feel threatened by these conflicts. Even still, which character am I more frequently playing with my family and friends – the relatives or the maid?

We did an exercise in Marita’s class a couple weeks ago having to do with values and whether we live our lives accordingly. I am pretty in tune with my values so I could see fairly easily that most of the things that I have been doing are very much in accord with what I value. However, I don’t think that I have ever prioritized those values or put a weight on how much one must be prioritized over another. Balancing as a skill has always been kind of elusive to me. It was simple in high school to prioritize school over swimming because I have grown up in a household that very seriously (and enjoyably) values education. But how do I balance something like time spent with family, friends, leisure, or study? I think that because I have prioritized school for so long now, prioritized it even over my own family and friends, I have gotten to a point where I want very much to shift that priority to my interpersonal relationships. Education is still very important to me and I will always be learning no matter what situation I’m in, but I think the type of learning I crave can only be gleaned from working on my relationships and giving more time to the people I love. I think I am ready to establish a different balancing act.

Aimee on authentic South African lifestyle

During the second week of February, our group went to Ocean View and stayed with a host family to experience more South African daily life and culture. I had no idea what to expect from the Ocean View homestay but I am so thankful for the great experience that I had there. I would love to learn more about how Chantel became involved with the program and how the families become involved with the program as well. It was very interesting to hear everyone’s different experiences of the weekend and how they spent time with their families. Starting off the homestay with a plentiful home-cooked meal at one of the family’s homes was so special. The view of the ocean not too far off in the distance was breath – taking- just like straight out of a movie or postcard. I was glad that these people could live near such a beautiful place because it seems like it would be an easy target for more public beaches, tourism, or wealthy developments. We played with some of the children in the neighborhood and I met two girls named Aimee! One of them even spelled her name like me so it was really fun to talk to her.

My host family consisted of a couple with a son and daughter and a foster daughter. They lost a son, while he was still a small child, when a car in Ocean View hit him. Unfortunately, speed bumps throughout the town still don’t prevent dangerous driving. This was very shocking to hear but it was even more shocking how positive the couple remained despite this tragedy. They are such loving people and have great attitudes about life. I felt as though I was a part of their family. They treat their foster daughter just like their biological daughter. I was often forgetting which daughter was the foster child because she fit so well into the family. I felt guilty that the son had to sleep on the couch while Audrey and I slept in his room for the weekend, but it was a humbling experience. I enjoyed talking to him about soccer and meeting his girlfriend. I was able to talk to Auntie (host mom) about her experience working in social work and counseling. She told me how hard it was to work with people who were going through such difficult times, but she could relate to many of their hardships. Audrey and I were also able to have great conversations and get to know each other better over the weekend.

On Friday, I enjoyed my day at the crèche spending time playing with children. I was very impressed at how such a small and rustic- like space was utilized into a room full of joy, color, singing, and education. The teachers were telling us about some of the families and the benefits of having a home day care center. The children are provided with food in the morning because many of them do not eat before they come. That evening, children from the area put on an amazing talent-filled concert. The dancing and singing talents were incredible and people had no fear to be musical and have fun together.

 I learned that most of the homes we stayed in had televisions, and watching movies and music videos is a common thing to do. American music artists are very popular among people of all ages here. I’m not sure if access to the media affects this, but my educated guess is that it does. I enjoyed discussing movies and music with my host family during the rainy Saturday we had. It was nice to relax, go with the flow, and to be a part of my family’s everyday life. The parents were not running around the house cleaning or doing errand and work, but rather bonding with their children and Audrey, and I. Our host uncle taught us how to cook pap and Auntie taught us how to make curry. I was pressured in to trying peri-peri sauce on my dinner and my mouth was burning! Strong relationships are valued so much in Ocean View like many other places in Cape Town. I also learned that many young teenagers are using drugs or getting pregnant at early ages. Some people we talked to mentioned that there are not many recreational activities for teenagers to do, so the weekends often consist of walking around and getting into trouble for their recreation.

On Saturday we also did manicures and took pictures. I was able to show then pictures of the snowstorm in Connecticut because they had an internet connection in their home. We were able to meet other members of the extended family who also live in Ocean View. The daughters were happy to have us walk around with them. On Sunday we went to their Christian church service. I can’t describe the experience well enough, but I don’t think I will ever forget it. The community was a big welcoming family and I felt at peace. We also went to the beach and took more pictures. It was very sad to leave Ocean View even though we were only there for a short time, but I know I will stay in contact with my family. I learned so much from them and about life here in Cape Town. I want to try to visit them before I go back to the United States. I would definitely recommend the homestay to anyone and I wouldn’t have changed anything about the experience. There is no better way to get a taste of an authentic South African lifestyle than by living in the beloved home of a South African family.

Wylie reflects on her homestay, forgiveness and apartheid

Avery, Auntie Netta, and Wylie in OceanView

This past weekend, our UConn group spent a long weekend with families in Ocean View, a “coloured” community about 40 minutes outside of Cape Town.  Avery and I stayed with Auntie Netta, our host mama, who was in her early seventies and had lived in the community for over thirty years.  She lives in a government-funded apartment complex, where laundry lines were strung between houses and young people stayed in the street all night.  I loved looking out the window in our room to see all the people walking between the houses and the vibrancy of the social life.  The importance of family was very clear, and the young people in the community were very special—I loved working with children at the crèche— as well as meeting kids in the street who wanted to talk to us.  On Saturday, we walked into town to play soccer and some young boys asked to play with us.  Later we saw them at the talent show, where they performed with so much charisma and absolutely no fear.  They were so talented!  It reminded me that self-respect, confidence, and dignity can be grown in any environment.  Every child I met was lovely, and I worry for their futures.  I want such beautiful, well-behaved, loving children to have successful, happy lives but their environment suggests that this may not be their fate.

Wylie greeted by some of the beautiful, well-behaved, loving children of Ocean View.

It was very different from Khayelitsha, the “black” township I am most familiar with, in that there were no informal settlements, well-groomed public spaces, and better kept infrastructure.  While the living conditions were still deplorable in many ways (ie. overcrowded crèches, huge unemployment problems), the conditions in Ocean View were vastly superior to Khayelitsha.  My homestay experience backed up one of my pre-visit assumption— the apartheid government established a clear hierarchy between the coloured and black townships.

Auntie told us that many of the young people in her community abuse Tik, which is sad and disappointing, but understandable.  Disillusioned, unemployed, impoverished people turn to drugs, to ease pain (especially when it’s only R10 to get high). Avery and I talked to our Auntie about many things—mining, unemployment, the ANC, and South Africa’s condition.  I admire her ability to forgive and advocate for recognition, as she is very empathetic towards whites.  She told that everyone was a victim because of the apartheid system, and that it’s not the white’s fault that forgetting racial hatred is so challenging. Auntie Netta also said that apartheid is over and that it can no longer be blamed for the way South Africa is today. 

I’m not sure if I agree with her; apartheid only ended very recently, and erasing laws doesn’t change the entrenched consequences of the apartheid system.  Everyday that I go into Khayelitsha I am reminded that the sole reason for this informal settlement is because of apartheid.  It simply wouldn’t exist otherwise.  It’s so unfair to be told that apartheid is over when the conditions and living area (because of being trapped by social conditions) is exactly the same.  It is hard to talk about, but Auntie really impressed me with her forgiving and reconciliatory spirit.  Auntie has also shown me that speaking about love and emotions, and openly caring for people, is a really special and important quality.

Overall, the homestay experience was extremely rewarding.  I am hoping to do another homestay, perhaps in a black township to better understand the differences facing both.  

Liz reflects on the last month

As we draw to the end of February I’ve been looking back on some of the things we have experience this month that have allowed me to become more attuned with the South African culture.

The first experience that stick out in my head is the Homestay weekend we did a few weekends ago in Ocean View. The UCONN group was split into pairs and welcomed into a home for the weekend. Some seemed to be welcomed a little bit more than others, such as myself, but this allowed my roommate and I to learn about the sense of community in South Africa. Our friends down the block were staying with an extremely welcoming family so when my roommate and I were sitting alone in the kitchen staring at the huge hot dogs that had been placed on our plates and I was contemplating how I was going to eat both mine and my roommates, because she’s a vegetarian, and survive the rest of the rainy day in our host house the two most beautiful faces appeared. Our two friends from down the block, also from UCONN, walked into the kitchen and asked us if we wanted to go the local mall with them to get out of the house, despite the fact that it was raining (apparently life stops when it rains in South Africa…). We jumped up so fast we nearly knocked over the table and off we went with the local Pastor, his son, and his two adopted UCONN sons to the mall.

This rainy day was instantly brighter as soon as we started talking with the family from down the street. I instantly liked the older son who was cracking jokes from introductions. The pastor was extremely nice as well and off to the mall we went. When we got home we stayed over at the Pastor’s house for a Baai and while he was cooking we had a jam session with his son, Nathan. It was awesome to watch (because I have no musical talent whatsoever) everyone jam together and just play instruments and make beautiful music. The Braai was delicious, so much meat! But what happened after dinner was my favourite part. We went out and walked around all of Ocean View with Nathan. He took us to the other houses that UCONN students were staying in which allowed us to see how other peers were fairing and also see the sense of community that was prominent throughout the entire community. Two of our other friends that had also been adopted by another family as well. It was so nice to see the way the students were being taken in and taken care of and how more people, who just showed up at the door, were welcomed into the homes the same. The entire community was warm. Whether the families were living in the bigger houses up at the top of the Ocean View or down towards the bottom in some of the smaller houses where the majority of families were extremely welcoming, and everyone knew Nathan. It was an excellent experience, and we were so thankful to be adopted by such a loving and welcoming family.

Liz with some new friends in Ocean View

The second weekend that had a huge impact was this weekend. We spent this weekend in Malmesbury, about an hour outside of Cape Town, at the Goedgedacht Olive Farm learning about human rights. For this human rights training workshop there were 30 American students and about 25 African students, some from South Africa and others from throughout the continent that all came together to learn about human rights.

Liz "performs" in group skit

Through a series of different exercises, where we spilt the group into different peers and dubbed a country, we were able to learn a little bit more about human rights. As a country we partook in a series of exercises one of which required us to determine if another country could join us on our new planet, another exercise required us to research the country we had been dubbed and present on why our country deserved $1Billions to help better the country. What was better than any of the exercises were the meals, where we were able to meet, mingle, and talk to the other peers attending this workshop. The location and style of the workshops were so conducive to learning and I was able to take away so much more than just the facts of human rights that we went over. 

In addition to these two fabulous weekend adventures my days of February have been filled with small, yet mighty, adventures. I hope they only continue throughout March and April.

‘Til next time, peace out broskis. 

Vara on her time in Ocean View

I was fortunate to stay one long weekend in Ocean View, a township previously classified colored, yet so diverse in every aspect. The woman who runs the whole program, Chantel introduced some students to the Open Door organization which allows underprivileged children the opportunity for an after school meal, tutoring, and extra-curricular activities which keep them off the streets and away from trouble.  I was privileged to stay with her family for the home stay portion of the weekend so I really got an in depth view of the program learning about the purpose and mission. On Friday when it was time to work with the children at Open Door, a group of us showed up at a church to practice dance moves and songs. We were able to coordinate the children and our group to sing Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson.  The spirit of the children was amazing how they were interested in participating and putting a smile on for their talent show. I was impressed with how Ocean View is such a strong community for the children and adults alike. Walking back from the church talent show practice that afternoon, people were smiling and waving and it seemed like the children knew everyone in town; an aspect of home I wish I was able to embody. Later that night at the talent show, the children arrived changed into their outfits of choice and ready to go. They rehearsed their lines and dance moves which was adorable to watch, but when the real performance came on, they all shined. The other acts in the community performed as well including a stunt gymnastics dance group. After the stunt group's performance they informed Chantel that they wanted to donate their money to the Open Door group instead of taking it as their income (which is their only income). The kind of charity within the communities is amazing as is and yet most have nothing.  I was surprised to learn that a community created by apartheid law and subject to oppression can really be one of the most powerful and positive places. There was such a caring attitude that encompassed all the residents and really took new meaning to the word community. And that was only the beginning of my amazing weekend. Really every aspect of the trip made me realize how much community and family matters. I highly recommend the opportunity for anyone to experience a home stay in Ocean View!   

(check out Volunteer Mzansi Afrika)

Anna experiences beyond her imagination

I guess by now, I shouldn't be surprised that no experience that we have is anything like how I imagined it will be. That's why in preparation for our home-stay in Ocean View this past weekend, I did my best to remain expectation-less, and open minded about the experience, prepping for any host of possible outcomes. We were greeted by Chantal at a shopping center across from the community of Ocean View and led on a walking tour through the township, ending up at a member of the community's home. We shared a dinner of traditional African food, prepared by residents of Ocean View. After dinner, we split into our roommate pairs and headed off for the weekend to our host family's homes. Brianna and I were placed with Beta, her husband, three children and niece. We shared an evening of polite conversation, before heading off to bed exhausted from a long day of class.

Anna with host sisters Cleo & Chole

We woke in the morning to a set of eyes peering into the room through the slightly cracked door. After a few moments of hesitation, in busted our host sister Cleo, eager to introduce herself. Come to find out I was actually sleeping in her bed. After Cleo, followed Chloe her older sister and Cleon her older brother.

Anna's day at the creche

We spent Friday in the “Creche” that our host mom runs. By the end of the day I was essentially a human jungle gym. My legs doubled as slides, my hair being the main object of fascination. Nearly every child that I have come in contact with has commented on my hair, blonde is not a color that they are accustomed to seeing.  Friday night, we went to a local church for a talent show. Members of the community performed along side some of our Uconn students. I continue to be amazed at the extraordinary musical talent that nearly everyone here seems to posses. Music and faith  have remained two constants for the families and communities affected by extreme poverty. No matter how much money you have, God and music are always there.

On Saturday our host mom brought us to the local mall and we shopped for our braii. We purchased snoek, a commonly eaten fish straight off the boat. Saturday night, Brianna and I had our hair cornrowed by a family friend, something I have been wanting to do since our arrival.

Sunday morning we woke up to hot cereal. Not your typical hot cereal, oatmeal or the like, but a bowl of corn flakes, with hot milk. The home that we were staying in also did not have a shower, an element to the weekend that we were not expecting. We kept in mind that while we were living in this home for three days, this family will most likely live in the same situation for the rest if their lives.

Sunday morning we accompanied our host family to church, cornrows and all, where our mother sang and father played piano in the church's band. I have had the opportunity to experience a wide range of religious services, but this was unlike anything I had ever been apart of. Churchgoers were passing out after being “touched” by God. Women would then fan them with colorful clothes and coat their hands in oil. 

We had toured the townships, worked in them, talked to the people who call them home, but this experience was something entirely different. I view the townships and the people in a very different light now. Before the home stay during our tour, when we were driving through the townships I physically saw the people that lived there, the hundreds of children roaming the streets that should be in school, and grouped them all together, not thinking about their individual stories, not actually seeing. Now after having spent a weekend getting to know a family, I see the faces of the people who are sitting on the side of the road and wonder who they are, what their stories are.

           

It was very comforting to be in an actual home again for the weekend, a sentiment echoed by many of us. It was amazing to see the transformation not only in my peers, but myself as well, from a very hesitant Thursday afternoon and evening, to a Sunday afternoon of goodbye tears and plans of reunion and return.