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I am often saying to myself and others that my time here in South
Africa feels very short. I know that I am doing a lot of things and making
great use of my time by talking to people here, learning about their
perspectives and experiences, and becoming more comfortable in a foreign
country. However, if I am to be honest with myself I must admit that I thought
I would be much farther along with my activist project by now, that I would
have visited MSF (Doctors Without Borders) several times by now, and that I
would have read a bunch more articles and gleaned a greater deal of “published”
knowledge (such as from newspapers, books, papers, textbooks, lectures…).
I expected to be able to do so many things while here in South Africa
because I envisioned a semester completely dedicated to human rights. I have
fallen behind on my blog posts, on my reflections, and on my communication with
friends and family. Why does this always seem to happen when I am abroad? It is
as if my mechanism short circuits and I just physically cannot stay awake long
enough to grasp and comprehend all that I want to. Many of my house mates have
just now gone off to hike Lion’s Head and I am feeling relaxed and comfortable
and “fully charged”. I also did not expect so much introspection on this trip,
but I am glad at times for it makes me recognize my needs and values. While I
very much value being with my new friends and learning from them, I also value
alone time and literal quiet. Perhaps my sleepiness comes from being required
to stay awake – physically, emotionally, and socially.
Despite a slight disappointment that I am not learning troves of
information and analysis the way that I would be in a human rights lecture at
UConn, or that I am not always being challenged and provoked by people with a heavier
and richer background in human rights, I’m still finding my experience here
very valuable. I have been learning much about myself and who I am at different
times of my life, when surrounded by certain people, environments, and
opportunities. I have been learning what it means to apply certain concepts –
like promoting constructive communication, negotiating conflicting values, and
supporting sustainable practices – to my own actions and others’.
For example, it has been a struggle to know how to deal with certain
aspects of poverty. Every time a person asks for money, I feel anxious and
never know what to do. I know that it is better to give food than money, but I
don’t always have food on me and that solution is not always the best. On my
first weekend here, I gave a young man a few rand because he was sitting
outside Nando’s and I had just eaten a delicious chicken. A few weeks later I
recognized him in the same clothes, sauntering over to a taxi (minibus). A
middle aged woman asked if she could have my bottled drink, but I had a sore
throat that day and told her I did not want to get her sick. I then moved
across the street because I felt awkward. A young boy asked for my fries and I
was able to give them to him, though I felt incredibly guilty that I did not
have many left and that I had not thought to buy him a more nutritious meal.
These interactions never get easier, but each time I think I am accepting more
the reality that you cannot generalize the human experience.
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